From Anxiety to Africa

We had been on the road for an hour and a half when we made a left turn off the 2 lane highway and onto a gravel road headed toward Kageyo. We were packed nine deep in a passenger van for this 3 hour road trip. Leg room was limited and the air conditioning non-existent. "How much further?" someone asked. "Around 30 minutes on this road, then an hour on the dirt road." our trip leader responded. I couldn't imagine a road worse off than the one we were on.

We traveled up and down steep hills on a dirt path covered with pot holes, mud puddles and other obstacles. The van miraculously reached the top of each hill and wound the tight corners on the small road. I gazed out the open window of the van- a herd of long horn cattle to my left and a swarm of African children following the van shouting "Muzungu!" (White people!!).

Stuck in the back of a van in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by a group of people I barely knew and in a country I knew even less. Animals surrounding us. Hot. No air conditioning. No western toilet for miles. It was my worst nightmare. And yet I was perfectly at peace.

I thought to myself, "How did I get here?"

The answer is simple. God took me there.

I have lived most of my adult life governed by a spirit of fear and anxiety. Not the panic attack kind of anxiety, but a lingering anxiousness about everything. If you had told me one year ago that I would be traversing rough terrain in a van in Africa I would have called you crazy. But here I was.

The journey of how God took me to Africa is a simple one. It started with prayer. I sensed that God was calling me out of my comfort zone. He wanted to give me a global perspective- you know, show me what life is like for the majority of the world's population. I knew he was calling me to "Go" but I had no idea where. I shared my urge to "go" with my mentor and together we started praying that God would make a clear path for the "where." Central America, South America, Africa????

I prayed that prayer for over 6 months and through a series of events God began to make his way clear for me. He gave me a passionate heart for the people of Rwanda through a ministry there that we had already begun to support in an indirect way. Everything about the endeavor was God inspired and directed. I'm not someone who claims to hear God very clearly, but I had prayed diligently and he began to show me his plan.

But I had excuses.... trust me, I had plenty. Who would watch the children? What about work, I JUST started this job!? It is SO expensive! And I'd rather die than be stranded in the middle of nowhere without a bathroom.

Nevertheless I was there- in Rwanda, looking out the window of a van at what would be the pinnacle of my discomfort. And I was totally at peace. I can't explain exactly what happened, but I can tell you that God taught me so many things in that moment.

Here is what I learned:
God answers prayers
God is big enough for my fears
He will make His way known for those who seek to know it
He taught me how to loosen my grip on control and trust Him
Being obedient brings incredible peace and joy

So in that moment, in that van, I thanked God with all my heart. I thanked Him for showing me His Glory and for changing me in even the slightest way. I trust God to remind me of that moment in Africa when I struggle with doubt and fear. I will let this memory of God's faithfulness sustain me in difficult times.

God is good.