In Part 1 I described my journey with Christ. My journey from being a solid believer, to a rebellious fool, to a baby believer hungry to know what life in Christ was really supposed to be like.
Over the next 5 or 6 years I re-discovered what life really should have been like. What I had missed out on for so long. A life full in Christ. Seeking His direction, soaking in His love, and attempting to study His word. At least I thought I was living full in Christ, but turns out I was still missing the mark.
I still felt spiritually empty. Like I was missing something. I was going through the motions, experiencing seasons of growth and then seasons of drought. I couldn't place my finger on what was going on so I did what we're all supposed to do.... I turned to the bible. I wanted something to help put the bible in context for me, so I picked up a bible study by Jen Hatmaker and set out on a mission to learn. I had no idea what I was getting into. The bible study was all about the different ways that God speaks to his people. How to hear God's voice through all the static. It was about the amazing ways we can communicate with God (COMMUNICATION- it's a two way street. We should expect to hear from God!). I can't describe the bible study in full... but all I can say is, I began to hear God again. And he spoke very clearly to me.
An excerpt from my journal entry- in the middle of the study:
"This study is rocking my world. Maybe for a few reasons 1. I'm actually reading the bible and devoting quiet time to communicate. 2. I'm learning all of the amazing ways God tries to speak to me. I just have to listen.
You could say that I'm hyper-aware. With this awareness comes the clear movement and voice of God. I'm testing it through scripture to make sure I'm not a crazy person. And here is what I know:
1. He's calling me out on my INACTIVITY. I literally do nothing but self-serve. I serve my husband- noble but ultimately my motives are for a happy husband, happy home, happy ME. Serve my kids- also noble but there is so much more than my FANCY life, my FANCY husband and my FANCY healthy kids.
2. I dont give ANYTHING of myself to others. My spiritual giftings are mercy and encouragement and God is literally begging me to use my gifts.
3. I dont know what to do. God is pressing so many things on my heart.
*go on mission, learn to serve
*little babies need families. big kids need families
*children need a positive influence
*birth mothers need adequate support and care
*people everywhere are hurting
*people are hungry
*people need love
*people need Jesus
I'm not doing anything.
I have no idea where to start. I'm not even sure what to make of all of it. I'm waiting patiently and praying for God to show me. I'm praying I don't miss it.....
God is moving and it scares the bejeezers (yes I actually wrote that) out of me. When God moves he does it big. He expects alot. Yet he encourages, empowers, and gets the glory. And through that we are fulfilled."
I realized that I have never really had a heart for others. Like REALLY had a heart for them. People are staving, children are orphaned because their families can't feed or care for them, people have to sleep on the streets for all sorts of reasons, single moms or families ON MY BLOCK may be struggling to keep it all together. I mean yeah, this stuff is unsettling, but it's not really my problem. I've always had a "Aww, that's too bad. Somebody should probably do something about that." attitude. Well, I asked God to speak to me and to show me. So that's what he did!
And here's the thing. When you step out in faith, even if it is a teeny tiny baby step, and ask God to use you. He WILL. He will move BIG TIME.
As I began to study scripture and a handful of other books here are some things that stuck out to me. We need to take much of what the bible says literally, and not just figuratively.
*Shane Claiborne writes in The Irresistible Revolution , "What would the world look like if we truly believed, as the apostle Paul figured out, that we no longer live, but only Jesus lives in us (Gal 2:20)?" He goes on to say, "We are the body of Christ, not in some figurative sense, but we are the flesh and blood of Jesus alive in the world through the Holy Spirit-- God's hands, feet, ears."
Why have we been sold this LIE of the American Dream? There is not much about the American Dream that reflects the words of scripture and the teachings of Jesus. There is nothing about "Me! Me! Me!" and "More! More! More!" the resonates with anything Jesus said. After all, Jesus said, "If anyone wants to be the first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all" (Mark 9:35). I'm pretty sure Jesus meant this. He even demonstrated this through the act of communion with his disciples. In her book "Interrupted" Jen Hatmaker describes it like this:
"Not only was communion a symbolic ritual, it was a new prototype of discipleship. "Continuously make My sacrifice real by doing this very thing." Become broken and poured out for hopeless people. Become a living offering, denying yourself for the salvation and restoration of humanity. Obedience to Jesus' command is more than looking backward; it's a present and continuous replication of His sacrifice. We don't simply remember the meal; we become the meal." (pg54) Um, WOW!!
In Matthew 25 Jesus tells us a story to describe what will happen when we all stand before God. People will be separated into two groups. "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'" (Matt 25:35-39) He goes on and judges the ones who did not care for the "least of these", sentencing them to eternal punishment. But he welcomes the righteous into eternal life.
So, picture whatever you can when you think of as the "least of these" and then just picture the face of Jesus. Okay... so that makes it pretty real. It no longer becomes someone else's problem. YOU are the hands and feet of Jesus. Spiritual maturity means dying to your old self and becoming a NEW CREATION in Christ Jesus. Again, that means that YOU no longer live but CHRIST lives in you. And you know what.... you were once the least of these as well. And Jesus sacrificed everything for you, out of love. Just pause and take it all in.
I began to feel that TRULY being filled with Jesus and seeking his will to be done, "here on earth as it is in heaven" would require a little more action on my part. I began making a list of all the things Jesus is or that Jesus does that I can also be or do. It's a pretty long list, and I'm sure I'll never stop adding things to it because Jesus is everything that is good and nothing that is bad. For example, Jesus is God. Well I can't be God. But I do have the Holy Spirit that can empower me to be bold and courageous. Jesus meditates on scripture. Jesus prays. Jesus has compassion on people. Jesus goes to the broken, the lonely, the wretched and the poor- he doesn't just wait for them to come to him. Okay-- I can do all of those things! And through the power of his Holy Spirit which lives in me I can really be the hands and feet of Jesus.
And I'm not talking just about social justice. As our world becomes more and more connected we become more aware of what is really happening around the world. Just watch the news and get an idea of what is happening in your own city. Broken people everywhere, even in our church pews. Anyone can feed a hungry person or clothe the naked or care for the sick. But only those who know Jesus can lift them up in prayer to the creator of the universe. Only those who know Jesus can walk along side them and offer biblical counsel. Only those who know Jesus can love them with the love of Jesus. And that's where it all starts, LOVE. So... God just loudly said to me, "Go love my people." And so I'm trying to heed that call, here in Shreveport, LA.
And that's where I'm at. I'm asking God to use me and show me people to love. In my life, over the past few weeks, life has looked something like this.
1. Taking stock of all our possessions. Wow we have a lot of stuff! Instead of selling whatever we can on Craigslist, it will be donated to those in need.
2. Analyzing and CHANGING our budget so we can be in a financial place that allows us to be more generous to others. We might sell some things to help pay off our one car that still has payments left. Eliminating a car payment would allow hundreds of additional dollars to use for God's kingdom.
3. Stepping out into some uncomfortable situations. Our family had dinner last night with some homeless people. For the first time ever. I literally want to tear down the walls of social norms and do whatever I can to understand people and just accept them where they are, for who they are. Because after all, they are loved by the same God that loves me.
4. Serving as a family. This can't just be something I do on my own, or that Weston and I do together. I want my girls to grow up in a home that serves. Yes I need to protect them. Yes I need to keep them from dangerous situations. My responsibility as a parent is to disciple them. But I want them to go with us on a journey as we love and disciple others.
5. I want to go somewhere. I want God to open my eyes, showing me what life is like for others.
So, I don't write this to boast in any way. I offer it up to you as just a part of my story. Asking for accountability. When you find me on my self-absorbed high horse, please gently ask me to come down and then speak truth into my heart. Please pray for me and my family. Please search your hearts and see if you're willing to be a little bit abnormal with me, I'd love the company!
Influences:
The Bible :)
Matthew 25
The book of Luke
The book of Daniel
Mark Driscoll's sermon series on the book of Acts
"Tune In" by Jen Hatmaker
"7" by Jen Hatmaker
"Interrupted" by Jen Hatmaker
"The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne
"Draw the Circle- The 40 day Prayer Challenge" by Mark Betterson
"Multiply- disciples making disciples" by Francis Chan
Books I want to read
"Crazy Love" Francis Chan
"Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller
"Confessions of a Reformission Rev" by Mark Driscoll
"Rich Christians in the Age of Hunger" by Ronald J Slider
If you have any other suggestions, please add them! I'm making up for several years of inactivity, so I'm in hyper-drive, reading as much of God's word as I can an learning from those he's gifted to teach and write.
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