New Beginnings and Numana

Wow! This past year has been FULL OF CHANGE...

1. God woke me up to the world around me.

2. God called me to Go

3. I went back to work

After spending a year at home with babies, I went back to work at ReachLocal in December. And just a few days ago, I began my journey working, full-time, with a hunger relief organization I have served with in the past. Numana is an organization that is close to my heart- so it was an opportunity I couldn't pass up! I had no idea that getting back into the swing of professional life was just preparation for new beginnings with Numana. I couldn't be more excited to serve with the Numana team in the fight against hunger!

Weston and I with Lindsay and Stan from Numana

So-- I'm writing to tell you a little bit about it. Will you join me in serving the starving? Will you help me spread the word about who we are and what we do? 

Who is Numana?

Numana is a hunger relief organization- we partner with churches, universities and businesses to host food packaging events where people of all ages and backgrounds come together and package thousands of meals. The meals are then boxed up, put on a truck, and we ship the food to partners all over the world- often to schools, orphanages, or disaster relief. We also distribute food domestically through local food banks. 

Why Numana?

After seeing pictures of a Numana event on Facebook, our church in Shreveport wanted in on the fun! We hosted our first Numana event, and it was actually the first Numana event in Louisiana. It was an incredible service experience for the church body, but for me- it was so much more! 

3D1L - Thank You from Brookwood Baptist Church on Vimeo.

It was through our "3 Dimes One Life" event that God challenged me to go see what life was like for others around the world. When we discovered the ministry in Rwanda that would receive the food we packaged, God called me and the church equipped me to GO. Numana opened door for a new missions partnership with Africa New Life Ministries where the people at Brookwood Baptist Church provided sponsorship for over 100 kids in Rwanda- something that will help them go to school and receive meals.

None of this would have happened without Numana. So when they approached me and asked if I wanted to join their team of 6 people, I said "ABSOLUTELY!"

How Can You Help?

1. WATCH THE VIDEO
Watch the ABOUT NUMANA video and learn about the global hunger problem and think about ways you can help serve those in need.

2. HELP ME SPREAD THE WORD
Would your church or business want to know more about this? I'd love to connect with them and answer any questions they have. Can you help me make that connection? Just send an email to your pastor/friends/co-workers introducing me and Numana and copy me (lindsaybrown@numanainc.com)

3. PARTICIPATE IN AN EVENT 
Would you like to participate or lead a Numana event? Let's make it happen!

Rwandan School Children lined up to receive their lunch- a huge bowl of Numana food!

From Anxiety to Africa

We had been on the road for an hour and a half when we made a left turn off the 2 lane highway and onto a gravel road headed toward Kageyo. We were packed nine deep in a passenger van for this 3 hour road trip. Leg room was limited and the air conditioning non-existent. "How much further?" someone asked. "Around 30 minutes on this road, then an hour on the dirt road." our trip leader responded. I couldn't imagine a road worse off than the one we were on.

We traveled up and down steep hills on a dirt path covered with pot holes, mud puddles and other obstacles. The van miraculously reached the top of each hill and wound the tight corners on the small road. I gazed out the open window of the van- a herd of long horn cattle to my left and a swarm of African children following the van shouting "Muzungu!" (White people!!).

Stuck in the back of a van in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by a group of people I barely knew and in a country I knew even less. Animals surrounding us. Hot. No air conditioning. No western toilet for miles. It was my worst nightmare. And yet I was perfectly at peace.

I thought to myself, "How did I get here?"

The answer is simple. God took me there.

I have lived most of my adult life governed by a spirit of fear and anxiety. Not the panic attack kind of anxiety, but a lingering anxiousness about everything. If you had told me one year ago that I would be traversing rough terrain in a van in Africa I would have called you crazy. But here I was.

The journey of how God took me to Africa is a simple one. It started with prayer. I sensed that God was calling me out of my comfort zone. He wanted to give me a global perspective- you know, show me what life is like for the majority of the world's population. I knew he was calling me to "Go" but I had no idea where. I shared my urge to "go" with my mentor and together we started praying that God would make a clear path for the "where." Central America, South America, Africa????

I prayed that prayer for over 6 months and through a series of events God began to make his way clear for me. He gave me a passionate heart for the people of Rwanda through a ministry there that we had already begun to support in an indirect way. Everything about the endeavor was God inspired and directed. I'm not someone who claims to hear God very clearly, but I had prayed diligently and he began to show me his plan.

But I had excuses.... trust me, I had plenty. Who would watch the children? What about work, I JUST started this job!? It is SO expensive! And I'd rather die than be stranded in the middle of nowhere without a bathroom.

Nevertheless I was there- in Rwanda, looking out the window of a van at what would be the pinnacle of my discomfort. And I was totally at peace. I can't explain exactly what happened, but I can tell you that God taught me so many things in that moment.

Here is what I learned:
God answers prayers
God is big enough for my fears
He will make His way known for those who seek to know it
He taught me how to loosen my grip on control and trust Him
Being obedient brings incredible peace and joy

So in that moment, in that van, I thanked God with all my heart. I thanked Him for showing me His Glory and for changing me in even the slightest way. I trust God to remind me of that moment in Africa when I struggle with doubt and fear. I will let this memory of God's faithfulness sustain me in difficult times.

God is good.

Baby Emmy Turns One

Baby Emmy turned 1 on December 12th.  She's not a baby anymore, but she'll forever be "Baby Emmy" to me!

At 12 months she:

Waives hello and bye bye

Says- Hi, Night Night, Uh Oh, Mama, Dada, Dog-woofwoof, and Weee!

Can blink her eyes for a long time

Makes silly faces (serious face and then a smiley face)

Signs please, more and bit

Crawls super fast!  She can walk holding on to something, but doesn't let go on her own yet.

Dances and loves to sing

Likes to play on the piano with daddy, brush her hair, talk on the phone and take baths

Her most favorite thing in the world is her seahorse and her sleep blanket.  

She loves her sissy and copies her every move.

She is very curious and adventurous

She gives "sweet hugs" to just about everything and makes a kissy noise with her lips. 

She will lean in to give kisses to EVERYONE!

Happy birthday little sister.  You are the kissy-est, snuggliest, sweetest thing in the world. 

Mom and Dad love you so very much!

Emmy 9 Months

Sweet girl you are just over 9 months now and this is by far my most favorite time with you! You are so interactive and funny. You are inquisitive and adventurous. You are melt-my-heart sweet! And I can't get a single good picture of you because you are 100% ON THE MOVE!!! 

You are:

Crawling VERY fast!

Pulling up

Waving "hi" and "bye"

Say naa, maa, daa, ooo, and ohhh sounds

Working on saying "uh oh"

Signing "more" and "all done"

Following Aubrey everywhere and you put all of her toys in your mouth!

Napping twice a day

Sharing a room with sissy and sleeping all night

Eating 4 bottles and 3 big girl meals

Taking a bath with Aubrey often, and you LOVE it!

And my most favorite thing: 

You can give hugs and kisses (slimy, snotty, open mouth kisses). It's the best!

We love you sweet girl!

Dealing with Pride in Disciple Making

Right now, a friend and I are going through "Multiply" a one-on-one discipleship book written by Francis Chan.  Let me tell you, it is AH-MAZING what God is teaching me through this study.  I am the disciple in this relationship and have already learned so much from scripture and from leaning on the wisdom and accountability of my friend, the disciple maker. Thank you friend :)

If you are involved in a discipleship or mentor relationship, here is an interesting video about dealing with pride in disciple making.

Dealing with Pride in Disciple-Making from Multiply on Vimeo.

Hopeful

My last two posts (Pt 1 and Pt 2) were about the transformational work God has done on my heart in recent years, and in the last several months. What's so amazing is that God will never cease to work on me and I will never cease to be amazed by the things he can teach me and the ways he can humble me.

Let me confess: I am feeling so much friction in my faith walk right now.  I guess that's what they call "working out your salvation."  It is truly tuning into God, recognizing and repenting of sin in your life, and responding to his call in every single moment. It is wrestling with the tough questions and trying to really understand what it is God wants you to do. It means taking a good, long look in the mirror and saying, "I'm not in control."  It means hours of prayer with tears streaming down your face as you feel completely overwhelmed by everything God is putting on your heart.  It means cornering people and telling them all that's on your mind, because you're filled to the brim and you need to share.... then feeling guilty for cornering them and vomiting information on them.  It means seeking Christ centered relationships and opening yourself to the influence of others because you truly recognize that others have "been there, done that" so to speak and can offer so much in pointing you to Jesus.

The apostle Paul wrote in Romans, "So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.  For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members." Romans 7:21-23

I feel so full of God's love and so sensitive to his calling on my life in this moment, but I also feel resistance, or friction. It's the best way to describe it. God's way is always going to be met with resistance, because of Satan. So it was time to really examine my heart and ask God to show me my sinful ways and point me to him.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24

So-- let's start with my sin. I'm not about to air all my dirty laundry, but I'll share a few things that have really held me back in this season. I asked God to change my heart-- to really give me a heart for other people.  I asked him to show me how to love my neighbor as myself. So I solely began to focus on the lost, the down-trodden, the under-resourced, the sexually abused, the hurt, the lonely, etc... I wanted to climb a mountain, carrying the torch of the saving power of Jesus to those people. And I hardened my heart to the people I spend a majority of my time around-- churched people. Since Weston is on staff at a church, we spend alot of time talking about church. Church is a huge part of our lives- of MY life. In this season I spent quite a bit of time struggling with why we even do what we do? What's the point? Why do we care so much about church programs, ministry activities and meeting the needs of church people when there are broken, lost people out in the world who need love, compassion, and truth. I wanted to move out of my 'Holy Huddle' so to speak and really do something for God's kingdom. I wanted to be used in big and mighty ways. 

I was really, REALLY critical. Critical of just about everything around me.

Do people who love Jesus actually DO anything for His kingdom?

The church isn't doing enough. 

I am not doing enough. (this is the big one!)

We're totally blowing it.

What are we missing?
What's wrong with it all?

And this is the conclusion I came to. What's wrong with it all is that our measuring stick for 'enough' is Jesus.  And Jesus is perfection.  He lived a life without sin.  He healed the sick.  Restored the emotionally distraught.  Spoke truth to the self-righteous. He hung out with the worst of the worst and spoke a message of hope to all. He gave up his life as a sacrifice to restore us to right relationship with God. I mean... those are some pretty big shoes to fill.  When comparing yourself to perfection, you'll always fall short. I will fall short. People will fall short. My church will fall short. But that's okay because God know's we can't quite cut it. That's WHY we have Jesus and WHY Jesus comes to live in our hearts when we invite him in.  It's so that the Holy Spirit can show us the way, guide us, direct our paths, and empower us.

I felt so full of the Holy Spirit and so in tune with God.... and so negative at the same time. My negativity was the glaring sin that Christ was calling me to offer up in repentance. As I studied scripture, with a focus on the local church, God really began to change my heart.  That's what he's in the business of doing-- changing hearts.

So- instead of feeling negative, I am HOPEFUL!  And here's why.

1. God hit me with the truth that there are broken, hurt, under-resourced, LOST people sitting in our pews every single Sunday. Maybe I should actually make an effort to invest in people right where I am! It's amazing what might happen! Remember when I said that I was one of those people- attending church, but still totally lost? What if someone had been so interested in doing something "remarkable" or "amazing" in their walk with Christ that they forgot to pay attention to the person desperately reaching out for friendships and truth?  That desperate person was once me- and those people are in our midst.  They're everywhere. Chances are, we will be that person many times over in our lives. Hurt or defeated by life's circumstances. Desperate for the discipleship and love of other Christ followers. Desperate for someone to carry us along through a tough time and speak truth into our lives. What kind of disciple makers would we be if we ignored the people all around us simply because our sights are set elsewhere. Our ministry to make disciples includes taking the message to the ends of the earth just as much as it in includes making disciples right where we are. In fact, Jesus told the apostles that they would be his witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth (Acts 1:8). They would be his witnesses right where they were FIRST, and then to the ends of the earth. I have a calling right where I am and that gives me HOPE!

2. We are created in God's image. Genesis 1:26 says "Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, in our likeness...'.  Then God looked at all he had created and said it was VERY good (Gen 1:31). God gave nothing but the good stuff when he poured Himself out on His creation. He gave out the good stuff because he IS good stuff. Period. If we are created in God's image, then we are capable of so much!  How insulting it must be to God when we are critical of His people... of His creation. Sin causes us to fall short, but we can't forget that we are created in His image, which is pretty remarkable in and of itself. If we are created in God's image and we are to be His church, His hands and feet, then you better believe He will bless that and that He will empower us.  God created us to do good works and if we are created in His image then He will surely equip us to do those works- here, there, and everywhere. In that, I find HOPE!

3. God empowers us and through him anything is possible. John 14:15-31 is an amazing passage where Jesus tells his apostles about how they will receive the Holy Spirit one day. The Holy Spirit- literally God dwelling in them. Jesus goes on to say in John 16 that the  Holy Spirit will come and guide us into all truth.  I take that to mean that when we completely surrender to Jesus, the Holy Spirit will open our eyes.  He will guide us and direct our path.  He will protect us.  He will fight for us.  He will empower us to have influence.  After all, we were created in His image to do good works.  Not for our glory, but to glorify God and bring praise to his name. So again, who am I to say we're not doing anything. I just needed to let the Holy Spirit open my eyes! Wow, the church is alive and well in Shreveport, LA and around the world!

I am running into church members all over town who are serving God's people.  Maybe they're serving their next door neighbors through prayer, or meeting physical or financial needs of someone in their life group, feeding the homeless, showing up at the jail to spend time with their friend (who happens to be a prostitute), or simply hosting a playdate where they can be a witness of Christ to moms and children in their neighborhood.  We are ALIVE and WELL!  We can do so much more, it's true- but we can't discount the work God is doing right here, right now.  That gives me so much HOPE!

4. God longs for unity among His people . He desires for us to be united in our purpose to go and make disciples of all nations. There are people who are completely sold out for God in my midst.  Have I just never opened my eyes to seek out those relationships?  Have I never cared enough to want to learn from others?  Have I really let so much time pass without really wanting to hear someone's story? Is it really that for the very first time, I care?  Wow, that's pretty sad.  I feel like I have new eyes and new ears. God is bringing these people out of the wood works!  I am learning about the things people are doing in their work places to be impactful for Jesus. I am learning about missions in our church.  I am learning what people are doing in their neighborhoods.  I pray that we would be united in purpose!  That we would have an infectious love for Jesus. That we would all have new eyes and ears to see the works God is doing in our community, through the people of the local church, and celebrate.  That we would lean on each other, learn from each other, encourage one another, and lift each other up in prayer.  I AM HOPEFUL!

I needed an attitude adjustment and I got it. May we not be living our faith out on an island alone, but may we be united.  May we invest in relationships right were we are and open our eyes to God's amazing work. 

We have reasons to be hopeful!  Not to be critical or defeated- but to hope!

I love this post from Beth Moore.  In one of my many recent sleepless nights I read this and it resonated with me in a big way.  I feel it too.... I feel the stirring of something amazing. The stirring of a revival!

Rain Down Revival

Totally Honest- Part 2

In Part 1 I described my journey with Christ.  My journey from being a solid believer, to a rebellious fool, to a baby believer hungry to know what life in Christ was really supposed to be like.

Over the next 5 or 6 years I re-discovered what life really should have been like.  What I had missed out on for so long. A life full in Christ.  Seeking His direction, soaking in His love, and attempting to study His word.  At least I thought I was living full in Christ, but turns out I was still missing the mark.

I still felt spiritually empty.  Like I was missing something.  I was going through the motions, experiencing seasons of growth and then seasons of drought.  I couldn't place my finger on what was going on so I did what we're all supposed to do.... I turned to the bible.  I wanted something to help put the bible in context for me, so I picked up a bible study by Jen Hatmaker and set out on a mission to learn. I had no idea what I was getting into. The bible study was all about the different ways that God speaks to his people.  How to hear God's voice through all the static.  It was about the amazing ways we can communicate with God (COMMUNICATION- it's a two way street.  We should expect to hear from God!). I can't describe the bible study in full... but all I can say is, I began to hear God again.  And he spoke very clearly to me.

An excerpt from my journal entry- in the middle of the study:
"This study is rocking my world.  Maybe for a few reasons 1. I'm actually reading the bible and devoting quiet time to communicate. 2. I'm learning all of the amazing ways God tries to speak to me.  I just have to listen.
You could say that I'm hyper-aware. With this awareness comes the clear movement and voice of God. I'm testing it through scripture to make sure I'm not a crazy person.  And here is what I know:
1. He's calling me out on my INACTIVITY. I literally do nothing but self-serve.  I serve my husband- noble but ultimately my motives are for a happy husband, happy home, happy ME. Serve my kids- also noble but there is so much more than my FANCY life, my FANCY husband and my FANCY healthy kids.
2. I dont give ANYTHING of myself to others. My spiritual giftings are mercy and encouragement and God is literally begging me to use my gifts.
3. I dont know what to do.  God is pressing so many things on my heart.
 *go on mission, learn to serve
 *little babies need families. big kids need families
 *children need a positive influence
 *birth mothers need adequate support and care
 *people everywhere are hurting
 *people are hungry
 *people need love
 *people need Jesus

I'm not doing anything.
I have no idea where to start.  I'm not even sure what to make of all of it.  I'm waiting patiently and praying for God to show me.  I'm praying I don't miss it.....

God is moving and it scares the bejeezers (yes I actually wrote that) out of me. When God moves he does it big. He expects alot.  Yet he encourages, empowers, and gets the glory.  And through that we are fulfilled."

I realized that I have never really had a heart for others.  Like REALLY had a heart for them.  People are staving, children are orphaned because their families can't feed or care for them, people have to sleep on the streets for all sorts of reasons, single moms or families ON MY BLOCK may be struggling to keep it all together.  I mean yeah, this stuff is unsettling, but it's not really my problem. I've always had a "Aww, that's too bad.  Somebody should probably do something about that." attitude. Well, I asked God to speak to me and to show me.  So that's what he did!

And here's the thing.  When you step out in faith, even if it is a teeny tiny baby step, and ask God to use you.  He WILL.  He will move BIG TIME.

As I began to study scripture and a handful of other books here are some things that stuck out to me. We need to take much of what the bible says literally, and not just figuratively.
*Shane Claiborne writes in The Irresistible Revolution , "What would the world look like if we truly believed, as the apostle Paul figured out, that we no longer live, but only Jesus lives in us (Gal 2:20)?" He goes on to say, "We are the body of Christ, not in some figurative sense, but we are the flesh and blood of Jesus alive in the world through the Holy Spirit-- God's hands, feet, ears."

Why have we been sold this LIE of the American Dream?  There is not much about the American Dream that reflects the words of scripture and the teachings of Jesus. There is nothing about "Me! Me! Me!" and "More! More! More!" the resonates with anything Jesus said.  After all, Jesus said, "If anyone wants to be the first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all" (Mark 9:35).  I'm pretty sure Jesus meant this. He even demonstrated this through the act of communion with his disciples. In her book "Interrupted" Jen Hatmaker describes it like this:
"Not only was communion a symbolic ritual, it was a new prototype of discipleship. "Continuously make My sacrifice real by doing this very thing." Become broken and poured out for hopeless people. Become a living offering, denying yourself for the salvation and restoration of humanity. Obedience to Jesus' command is more than looking backward; it's a present and continuous replication of His sacrifice.  We don't simply remember the meal; we become the meal." (pg54)  Um, WOW!!

In Matthew 25 Jesus tells us a story to describe what will happen when we all stand before God.  People will be separated into two groups.  "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat,  I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'  The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'" (Matt 25:35-39)  He goes on and judges the ones who did not care for the "least of these", sentencing them to eternal punishment. But he welcomes the righteous into eternal life.

So, picture whatever you can when you think of as the "least of these" and then just picture the face of Jesus. Okay... so that makes it pretty real. It no longer becomes someone else's problem.  YOU are the hands and feet of Jesus.  Spiritual maturity means dying to your old self and becoming a NEW CREATION in Christ Jesus.  Again, that means that YOU no longer live but CHRIST lives in you. And you know what.... you were once the least of these as well.  And Jesus sacrificed everything for you, out of love. Just pause and take it all in.

I began to feel that TRULY being filled with Jesus and seeking his will to be done, "here on earth as it is in heaven" would require a little more action on my part. I began making a list of all the things Jesus is or that Jesus does that I can also be or do. It's a pretty long list, and I'm sure I'll never stop adding things to it because Jesus is everything that is good and nothing that is bad. For example, Jesus is God.  Well I can't be God.  But I do have the Holy Spirit that can empower me to be bold and courageous. Jesus meditates on scripture.  Jesus prays.  Jesus has compassion on people.  Jesus goes to the broken, the lonely, the wretched and the poor- he doesn't just wait for them to come to him. Okay-- I can do all of those things!  And through the power of his Holy Spirit which lives in me I can really be the hands and feet of Jesus.

And I'm not talking just about social justice.  As our world becomes more and more connected we become more aware of what is really happening around the world. Just watch the news and get an idea of what is happening in your own city.  Broken people everywhere, even in our church pews. Anyone can feed a hungry person or clothe the naked or care for the sick. But only those who know Jesus can lift them up in prayer to the creator of the universe.  Only those who know Jesus can walk along side them and offer biblical counsel.  Only those who know Jesus can love them with the love of Jesus.  And that's where it all starts, LOVE. So... God just loudly said to me, "Go love my people."  And so I'm trying to heed that call, here in Shreveport, LA.

And that's where I'm at. I'm asking God to use me and show me people to love. In my life, over the past few weeks, life has looked something like this.
1. Taking stock of all our possessions.  Wow we have a lot of stuff!  Instead of selling whatever we can on Craigslist, it will be donated to those in need.
2. Analyzing and CHANGING our budget so we can be in a financial place that allows us to be more generous to others. We might sell some things to help pay off our one car that still has payments left.  Eliminating a car payment would allow hundreds of additional dollars to use for God's kingdom.
3. Stepping out into some uncomfortable situations.  Our family had dinner last night with some homeless people.  For the first time ever.  I literally want to tear down the walls of social norms and do whatever I can to understand people and just accept them where they are, for who they are. Because after all, they are loved by the same God that loves me.
4. Serving as a family.  This can't just be something I do on my own, or that Weston and I do together.  I want my girls to grow up in a home that serves.  Yes I need to protect them.  Yes I need to keep them from dangerous situations.  My responsibility as a parent is to disciple them.  But I want them to go with us on a journey as we love and disciple others.
5. I want to go somewhere.  I want God to open my eyes, showing me what life is like for others.

So, I don't write this to boast in any way. I offer it up to you as just a part of my story.  Asking for accountability. When you find me on my self-absorbed high horse, please gently ask me to come down and then speak truth into my heart.  Please pray for me and my family.  Please search your hearts and see if you're willing to be a little bit abnormal with me, I'd love the company!

Influences:
The Bible :)
Matthew 25
The book of Luke
The book of Daniel
Mark Driscoll's sermon series on the book of Acts
"Tune In" by Jen Hatmaker
"7" by Jen Hatmaker
"Interrupted" by Jen Hatmaker
"The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne
"Draw the Circle- The 40 day Prayer Challenge" by Mark Betterson
"Multiply- disciples making disciples" by Francis Chan

Books I want to read
"Crazy Love" Francis Chan
"Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller
"Confessions of a Reformission Rev" by Mark Driscoll
"Rich Christians in the Age of Hunger" by Ronald J Slider

If you have any other suggestions, please add them! I'm making up for several years of inactivity, so I'm in hyper-drive, reading as much of God's word as I can an learning from those he's gifted to teach and write.